Inception

And so it begins.

Within the past week or so, I discovered that I am actually a Pagan. Not a "Traeist" or an "Other." But simply a Pagan. I discovered this on Beltaine, when searching for a symbol of power and virility to have drawn upon me...a page defined the Trinity as "Body, Mind, and Spirit." The same wording that I've used for years now. And thus, a new chapter was written.

Here I hope to chronicle part of my spiritual journey. Relevant dreams, feelings, experiences, rituals. Such will aid me in my growth.

Shortly after my realization, I had a dream, that I'm convinced wasn't merely that. Removing some of the clutter that comes from my cryptic and random dreams, I was offered three choices by a man with sunken cheeks, his face and body shrouded in a black robe (like a younger Palpatine from Star Wars). For each of the three men that I could meet, a different destiny would result, propelling me past this trying part of my life to a better time. The first, for example, would introduce me to a man who would get me a job. It would be monotonous and less than respectable (pizza delivery, I believe), but I would seem happy...until years later, when it would drive me to suicide. The other two were either more vague, or distance has erased them from my memory, but they carried unspecified, "at a later time" prices, and somehow I knew it meant the life of my first born child (a boy). The figure requested my answer, but I told him I preferred to go my own way, and also to have everything out on the table, especially prices. He became angered, swearing and striking downwards...and then I was awake in my bed.
I know that was no mere dream. A weaker subconscious, a choice of one of the three, and I would have "woken up" in the future in one of those timelines, and I would have regretted it eventually (though likely without true memory of the choice)--that much I'm sure of. Upon deep thought, he was like a personification of the typical conception of "Death," with some "Devil" elements in his means. Very odd.

I was reading up on Wicca at work, and essentially felt silly and self conscious, like I didn't believe it. Like I couldn't believe it. Then, when I got off work, They spoke to me. The mild breeze was the kiss of the Deities. I've never known the air to be so fresh, and the warmth of the morning sun belied the touch of the God Himself. They were around me this morning, laughing off my earlier doubts and reassuring me that I was on the right path. I felt the energy coming from the Earth and from some plants, and as I sank into the seat of my car I smelled the scent of cinnamon, which I later learned is associated with cleansing and spirituality. Fitting, no?

I have taken the time to draw symbols upon my wrists. On my right, the symbol of Goddess; on my left, a Protection mark with the Trinity...and my back should still bear the God mark I was given before. Why these symbols? In about four and a half hours, my mother has surgery on her neck, and I beseech the protection of Goddess and the God that she make it through this surgery with no physical problems at all. I have no altar set up yet, so mere meditation and symbols of invocation are all I can do. Deity...Spirit...I am her, and she is me, and of course, You flow through us all. We are all connected. Please, do not remove her physical presence from us on earth. Not yet...we aren't ready. Protect her, while I try to wrap myself in You. In the Deity, nothing can fail.

I can feel the tingle, as my energies are stirred up. I must meditate on this before bed...for I will be needed soon. Blessed be the Spirit.